Here In This Man's Arms
by WritinginCT
Summary: Ziva found a home in Jethro's arms and sacrificed everything to stay with him, but will their world crumble to dust when an old enemy kidnaps Ziva and their newborn son? GibbsZiva Warning: Season 5 spoilers
1. Chapter 1

Title: Here In This Man's Arms  
Author: CJ aka WritinginCT  
Fandom: NCIS  
Pairing: Gibbs/Ziva  
Rating: FR18  
Warnings: Season 5 spoilers  
Categories: Drama, Angst, Romance  
Feedback: Love it? Hate it?  
Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them. Hopefully they've had fun playing in my sandbox.  
Note: Written for the Gimme Giva... Maybe and Tearjerker Challenges on the NFA  
Summary: Ziva found a home in Jethro's arms and sacrificed everything to stay with him, but will their world crumble to dust when an old enemy kidnaps Ziva and their newborn son?  
Status: WIP

* * *

Ziva looked over at the man stretched out on the bed, the sheet riding low on his waist. He had his hand resting lightly on his stomach and she caught the glint of his wedding band in the late morning light streaming into the bedroom. She leaned down and kissed him deeply and reminded him, "I am having lunch with my father today."

He reached up and toyed with one of her curls, he loved it when she left it to its own devices after her shower. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No. Not today. Today I must handle by myself." Her words were strong, but he knew there was a daughter's insecurity behind them.

He sat up and pulled her into a tight embrace, offering silent strength.

* * *

To say that Ziva's father was angry was an understatement. "You are going to turn your back on your home, your country, your _family_ for this man? I won't stand for it. You may consider yourself recalled Officer David. I will have the embassy arrange your transportation back to Israel immediately. And then I _will_ find you a proper husband."

Ziva stood gracefully, and said sadly, "I'm sorry, Father, I will not be returning to Israel. "This man" as you call him _is_ my family. There are bonds between us that you would never understand. And you will not have to trouble yourself to find me a "proper husband", thank you. I already have one. We were married three weeks ago. I am sorry, Father, but _this_ is my home now."

She dropped her napkin on the table and walked away before he could reply, controlling her tears until she reached the car, where she let them fall freely.

* * *

She drove home on autopilot, her thoughts taking her many places and she was home before she knew it. And she smiled as she parked on the street that was becoming more and more familiar since she officially moved into his home a month ago.

He was sitting on the front steps with one of his favorite coffee mugs in hand waiting for her. He stood to greet her as she strode up the walk, putting his cup carefully out of harms way. He took one look at her face and just opened his arms wide and folded her petite frame in them.

He kissed the top of her head and asked gently, "Should I even ask how it went?"

Ziva turned her head and rested her cheek on his chest, and played with one of the buttons on the pocket of the denim shirt he had on over his t-shirt. "Badly. But honestly I did not expect it to go any other way. My father is very stubborn and used to getting his own way."

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, allowing the smell of coffee and wood shavings and something that was just distinctly Jethro to work it's calming magic on her like it always did. And Gibbs knew as she snuggled closer to him that words weren't what she needed, so he just held her tight.

It was that ability to be quiet and still that was ingrained in both of them that worked so well for them. There was no inane chatter, no random talks about their feelings, no verbal coddling, and no ridiculously juvenile declarations. But they did argue, and did hash things out, and when they did talk about what they were feeling, the other paid careful attention, because it was important. And when "I love you" was said, it was never taken for granted, it was gift and an affirmation every single time.

Ziva let her mind wander, wander back to the first time she had his arms around her, it was after the Tanner case. After Gibbs spent time looking after a child that wasn't his own. And when little Zach had been reunited with his father and Gibbs was alone again, she was the only one that knew the pain he was revisiting. And sure enough that night when she crept into his house quietly, but not stealthily because that had the potential to be unhealthy, she found him in his basement with more than a little bourbon in him, sanding that boat furiously as if to erase the memory of the faces of his lost wife and daughter. He hadn't been surprised to see her, and when she took the sanding block gently out of his hands and wrapped her arms around his waist without a word said, he knew that the odd bond that had been forged between them with Ari's death was growing. Growing into what neither of them knew.

They slept together for the first time the night of the Marine Corps Ball. Mentally and physically tired she had gone creeping into his basement after leaving Tony to Abby and McGee's tender ministrations. She wanted to feel safe, and not have to be impassive and strong. Playing the part of the pregnant paid assassin trying to escape the life just hit too close to home for her. She just wanted... wanted him to hold her and tell her that everything was okay. And after taking one good look at her, he did just that. And then, he took her upstairs and tucked her into his bed and continued to hold her as they both tried to sleep. As he lie there with her head on his chest, stroking her hair as she slept he knew things were getting complicated. But as she snuggled closer to him as he pulled the blanket up around her a little more, he decided he didn't care.

They had sex and then made love for the first time after she and Tony had gotten locked in that cargo container. Gibbs had found himself worried about her, almost to the point of not thinking clearly, the only way he could was to promise himself that he would see her again, would hold her again, all else be damned. And that night, after she had cooked a make-up dinner for Tony she again slipped in his front door with a covered bowl, knowing somehow that he hadn't eaten anything. No words were spoken as he took the bowl from her hand and put it on the workbench before pulling her into his arms and kissing her with intent. The first time was raw with need and fear as they moved together fast and frantically on a sheet of plywood under the spine of the boat with a lack of grace and finesse unusual to either of them. When their sweat had cooled they retrieved the bowl from the workbench and lay side by side back under the boat, a simple sawdust laden drop cloth pulled up to cover them, and fed each other bits of marinated beef and little potatoes from the bowl with their fingers. And when the giggling and playful teasing echoed in the basement, they knew that the thing between them really was something, something they had both been searching for, for a very long time. And when their bodies melded together a second time, it was slow and gentle and made each of them feel alive, and oh so human. And as Ziva drifted off to sleep she realized that she was home, here in this man's arms she had found a home, a place she belonged.

It wasn't a regular thing for them, nor was it permanent, they both knew and accepted it. Just like they knew and accepted that no one at NCIS could ever know, and truth be told the sneaking around aspect of it all was a little bit of a turn of for both of them. It went on for months that way, until he changed things a little. She had arrived and slipped down the stairs after leaving her knapsack of clean clothes on the couch like she always did. He was fiddling with something on the workbench as she plastered herself to his back and slipped her arms around him. When he finally turned into her embrace so they were face to face she saw what was on the bench, it was a drawer from his bedroom dresser, with a single strand of pink curling ribbon tied in a simple bow. The drawer was a gift for her, he was giving her a space in his home, in his life, and given their circumstance it was all he _could_ give her. When she realized what it was and what it signified she took his face in her hands and ravished his mouth. And the next morning when she pulled her clean underwear out of her drawer in his bedroom she smiled. And she kept the bow.

Their clandestine meetings worked for both of them, at least until a bomb in a drum aboard a Turkish freighter landed Gibbs in a coma and stole the memory of her from him.

* * *

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

The others on the team had though her cold and unfeeling, and almost oblivious to the fact that Gibbs was fighting for his life. What they didn't know was how tenuously she was keeping her controlled facade in place. She couldn't let herself think that he might die, she had to focus on the job. Because it was all she could do for him, all he would want her to do. There was a terrorist to catch and lives to save, and he would have been the first one to give her a smack on the head if he found her waiting helplessly by his bedside instead of doing the job. So she put all her emotions in a little box locked in her heart and did the job.

But those carefully packed away feelings kept sneaking out on her. As she watched the rain through the bombed out porthole she flashed back to another rainy day when they had slow danced in the basement to some sentimental country song on the radio about there being holes in the floor of heaven, and before she could stop them the words, "It's raining," came out of her mouth and she smiled, lost in a memory.

Tony was the only one not to question her actions, but then again, he was busy holding up his own facade. The look he gave her when she offered to escort the ship's captain to NCIS let her know that he saw right through her, he didn't know all the details or the reasons behind them, but he understood that she couldn't go see Gibbs in the hospital.

She tried unsuccessfully to use humor to diffuse the tension with Abby with dramatic results. And as she splashed water on her face in the bathroom with Abby and Ducky's words echoing through her mind all the fear and anguish came dangerously close to erupting. But she bit back the tears and tried to find a deeper place within herself to store those damnable emotions.

When the call came through that Gibbs was conscious she wanted to hit her knees right there in the bullpen and thank God and whichever of his angels had protected Gibbs, but instead she closed her eyes for a moment and sent her offering of thanksgiving silently.

The news that Gibbs had no memories of the past fifteen years did not concern her, she felt confident that what they shared would transcend his amnesia, and that once his arms were around her again that the memories of their hidden moments would wash over him.

The frantic pace of the case was wearing on her and it was only through Tony's forethought of taking all of the ammunition out of her weapon that saved that miserable ship captain's life at his mention of the bomb.

When they finally put the pieces together but realized that there was still one piece missing, a piece that only Gibbs could give them, Ziva steeled her resolve and visted his darkened hospital room. The smell of burnt flesh was faint in the room and she saw the damage to his face, but not his eyes. Still as blue and clear as ever, her heart broke more than a little when there was absolutely no flicker of recognition in them. And as her tears finally broke, she wanted to remind him about them, about their secret, but she couldn't find the words, afraid that if she told him that he wouldn't believe her and would pull away from her. And that would be the one thing out of everything that had happened that would kill her inside. So instead she dug for another powerful memory they shared. Ari. Kate.

She saw it in his eyes the moment that those memories resurfaced. And his hand on her face was warm and gentle as he tried to process the flood in his mind. And her own emotional dam burst completely when he pulled her in and held her through her tears. They were the same arms, and she felt his familiar heartbeat, and his hand was stroking her hair like he always did, but there was something missing, that spark between them, the unmistakable pull they had towards each other. It was gone, just gone. And when Ziva realized it, her tears took on a new meaning without him even being aware.

In the end none of it made a difference, the ship exploded and souls were lost. Ziva saw something break inside him, and she wanted to comfort him, to comfort him like they had comforted each other so many times before after difficult cases, but it wasn't her he went to. And when he came back down from the Director's office and collected his things from Tony only to turn around and give him back his weapon and badge she felt her heart finally shatter all the way.

He said his good byes to them all and he stopped in front of her. And for a brief moment he paused and she thought she saw a flash of... something in his eyes, recognition maybe or a shadow of a memory, something. And she caught the little quirk of a grin when she called him Jethro for the first time in public, as if remembering that she had never done that before.

-/-

But then he was gone, out of the building, out of the city, and ultimately even out of the country. And the reality that he wasn't coming back set it.

She visited his house once after he went to Mexico. She curled up on his bed that they had made love on and slept on, and made each other laugh on, and wrapped herself around his pillow and cried herself to sleep. In the morning she hurriedly grabbed her clothes out of her drawer. In her haste she didn't see a little scrap of pink flutter to the floor and disappear under the front of the dresser.

As she left and closed the door behind her, she expected never to return to his house, and as she turned the lock on the door, she also turned the final lock on the box in her heart marked "Gibbs".

-/-  
tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

As he worked on repairing the beach house enough to survive storm season, Gibbs' mind tried to sort through the thoughts swirling around his head. He struggled to put things back in a logical chronology. The vivid grief that surrounded his memories of Shannon and Kelly overshadowed just about everything else. Slowly but surely he rebuilt his life since losing them. There were still significant holes in his memory, and there was a nagging, gut-churning feeling that he was missing something, no, _someone_ important. But the more he struggled to remember, the further from his grasp it slipped.

His dreams were troubled. He dreamt often of Shannon, and of making love with her, he could so clearly recall the feel of her hands on him, of the way her body fit with his. But what would make him wake in cold sweat was that Shannon kept morphing into someone else in the dark, someone who's hands he knew just as well, whose body also fit his like a glove. But he could never remember her face when he woke, no matter how hard he tried.

He had seen the drawer full of women's clothes in his bedroom when he had packed his rucksack, but it hadn't brought out any memories. Gibbs called and asked Ducky if he had been seeing anyone, figuring Ducky would know, but his response that Gibbs hadn't been to his knowledge just left Gibbs with more questions than answers. If had been seeing someone, it had been in secret. And the only woman that he could envision that he would possibly have had an illicit affair with was the Director. But that thought was unsettling, and just didn't seem right, and he shrugged it off.

He knew there was a woman he left behind, he just didn't know who it was, and that thought made him a little sad, because he hoped that she knew why he left, and that she understood why he couldn't stay.

* * *

When all hell had broken loose, and Ziva needed a safe place to hide, she went to the one place that she had ever felt truly safe. And as she entered his house lost in a flood of memories, she knew she needed him. Needed him to save _her_ this time.

To say that Ziva's phone call threw him was an understatement, and the catch in her voice when she asked him to save her pulled at something deep in his gut and he didn't know why. And it was that pull that propelled him to the airport and onto the next available flight back... home.

She had thought she was prepared to see him, prepared to be near him and not touch, prepared to pretend like what they had never existed, but she was wrong. He made plenty of noise as he entered the house and stomped down the stairs, as not to startle her, knowing she was already on edge. And when her eyes met his for the first time in months she found herself fighting the urge to literally fling herself at him and into the arms she so desperately ached to have around her again.

The pull that he had felt over the phone was nothing compared to what he felt standing there next to her in person, and he couldn't explain it. He shrugged it off, chalking it up as just a reminder that she was a very beautiful woman, and, at least to his memory, he hadn't been with anyone for a long time, even before the explosion.

His body had other opinions on the matter though, and as she was sharing things with him on the laptop, he found himself so far into her personal space that they were touching, and though it should have felt wrong, it didn't. It felt comfortable and familiar and he had to stop himself from reaching up and toying with her hair.

His nearness was having a twofold effect on Ziva, the close proximity of his body made her catch her breath and flustered her a little, and it also almost made her panic, because she wanted, no, _needed_ him to be that near to her but yet he still had no memory of their past relationship and she almost didn't trust herself to be within reach of him, all she would have had to do was turn her head for their lips to meet. Stepping away from him was on of the hardest things she had ever done, and yet she did it.

If there was one thing that Gibbs was good at, it was reading a woman's body language. And Ziva's had him perplexed. He didn't recall her being so jittery around him before, but instead of really analyzing it, he just brushed it aside as part of the stress from the whole situation.

As they hunted for the man that set Ziva up he found that the enigmatic pull was getting stronger. His hand resting on the back of her seat in the truck practically itched to find its way down to rub her neck or play with her hair, and the thing that bothered him most was that it felt so damn familiar. He wondered if maybe Ziva reminded him of the mystery woman that he had been seeing before the explosion, that had to explain it. He also noticed that she was sitting as far away from him in the truck as she could get without riding in the bed. And he wondered if he was unconsciously making her uncomfortable or something and he got irritated with his swiss cheese memory but was able to hide it in his angry comment about another dead FBI agent.

They managed to escape the bomb left for them, and the adrenaline rush they were both riding made them a little high. And as they got in the truck to leave he had a momentary vision of pinning her up against the side of the truck and claiming her mouth, and he almost did, but common sense reigned him in before he could follow through on it. Little did Gibbs know that Ziva was thinking the same thing.

Gibbs had dropped her back off at his house while he delivered the evidence to NCIS. She wandered around the basement, the place so identifiably Gibbs. She ran her hands over the smooth spines of the boat, knowing he had worked each and every one of them with his own hands, shaping and molding them, bending and pushing until he had gotten them exactly as he wanted them. She had never let herself think about a future with him, both of them knowing it was an unlikely scenario, but she never expected it to end like it had. And as she ran her hands over the lovingly crafted wood she suddenly realized that she wanted to see what the boat was going to look like when it was completed, and she wanted him to take her sailing, and wanted to make love to him on its deck out somewhere in the middle of the sea. But as quickly as those thoughts came, she as quickly threw them off, they had no place here in this present, nor in the future that would come about from this present.

When it was all said and done, they found those responsible and Ziva was cleared. And the smirk he gave her in the terrorist's hotel room was so familiar she didn't know what to think.

Over the next few days Gibbs put his home on the market and started cleaning out a lifetime's accumulation of stuff. When he had returned home he had noticed that the drawer of women's clothing had been cleared out. He also noticed his bed had been slept in and his pillow bunched up with several long dark hairs gracing it. But without a DNA test he still had now way of knowing whose hair it was.

He was cleaning out the dresser drawers, deciding what to take with him back to Mexico when something under the edge of the dresser caught his eye as he bent down to empty a bottom drawer. He reached for it and was surprised to pull out a simple bow made of pink curling ribbon. He looked at the knot and realized that he had tied it. He sat on the bed with it in his hands trying to remember why this simple bow was so important, and his gut was telling him that it was.

When the flood of memories hit him, he was grateful he was sitting down. As if a dam had burst all of his memories of Ziva returned.

* * *

The knock on her door at midnight startled Ziva fully awake, she had been dozing on her couch watching some boring documentary. She glanced out the peephole, gun in hand to see Gibbs. She opened the door and stood there waiting for him to say something as to why he was there. But all he could do was stare, because _how_ could he have forgotten her and what they were? When he didn't say anything she left the door open and turned to go back in the living room, putting her gun on the coffee table as she did. She heard him close the door and a moment later, felt him behind her. Somehow she knew, knew that he had finally remembered. At the sound of her name coming hoarsely from him, she turned around to see him holding the pink bow. When she raised her eyes to meet his, the recognition was there as was the desire and the need. And without a word said, he pulled her in and held her so tightly she almost couldn't breathe, but she didn't care, she was home.

* * *

tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: fyi deviating from canon starts in this section

* * *

They spent the weekend hidden away in her apartment, talking and filling each other in on their time separated and re-finding the easy intimacy they had shared. They had gone for a long, leisurely walk through her neighborhood and she was surprised to find his arm around her shoulder pulling her in close as they walked, they had never touched each other so openly in public and the ease with which he did it shocked her, but not enough to keep her arm from slipping around his waist to hang on to his belt loop. They visited the little specialty market that she liked so much and picked up what she needed to make one of his favorites of her culinary creations. She hadn't cooked for anyone since he left, there had just been no joy remaining in it, and she was looking forward to making him dinner.

And just like that, with the little pink trigger that found Gibbs' memories, they were back. Although throughout the weekend they were much more tactile with each other, showering casual touches and caresses, more than they had ever been. It was almost to the point of clingy, something distinctly out of character for either of them. And it wasn't until Sunday night as they were lying spooned together that the subject of the future came up, and it was then that they both realized that while the weekend had been a reconnection, it was also a goodbye.

Ziva knew he planned to go back to Mexico. And she also knew that although he would never ask her, he wanted her to go with him. But he wouldn't ask her to give up everything, her career, her friends, her family, her future to go live in a shack on a beach in Mexico with a broken and scarred retired NCIS agent. And she didn't know which thought terrified her more, that he would ask her to go with him, or that he wouldn't.

Gibbs also knew that if she asked him to stay that he would, for her. He wouldn't stay for the the job, or his sense of duty, and not even for his country, but he would for her, and her alone. And he also knew that she would never ask, and it was the reason he was so conflicted with his emotions when Fornell asked him for his help.

Ultimately he stayed, and as he sat staring at his badge he realized he had stayed for all the reasons that he thought he wouldn't have, his job, his duty, his country. But then he felt her hands on his shoulders, and a kiss on his head, and he smiled, because although he stayed for all those other things, he also stayed for her.

* * *

With his badge on his belt, his gun on his hip, and her underwear back in his drawer they picked things up almost exactly where they left off. But he wasn't quite the same as he used to be, he laughed a little more and teased more openly, and then there was the mustache. And never before had simple facial hair generated so much scuttlebutt in the office. Ziva kept her opinion to herself, knowing that eventually that he would shave it off, and sure enough he did.

Their lives were full, and they would even say happy. And more nights of the week then not, they spent together. Their relationship had to revert back to its hidden status, and truth be told, this time around it bothered both of them a little, but they did it, and no one at NCIS was the wiser.

None the wiser until Ziva went undercover speed-dating that is. The Director and McGee were in MTAC, Tony had already left to be in place before Ziva got there, and Gibbs was riding up in the elevator with Ziva to see her off. He hit the emergency stop and stroked her cheek gently, warned her to be careful, and gave her a light kiss before hitting the stop switch and again setting the elevator in motion. What they didn't realize, was that although their earwigs and microphones had been turned off, that the live feed from Ziva's glasses was still broadcasting. Broadcasting to a completely flummoxed McGee, and a shocked Jenny in MTAC.

It wasn't that he had kissed Ziva that so shocked Jenny, it was what she saw in Gibbs' eyes. She had seen those eyes full of many things as they looked at her, but the gentle concern, familiarity and pure adoration that she saw directed at Ziva was something Jenny had _never_ seen directed at her from Gibbs' eyes. And as she sat there with her mouth hanging open in surprise, Jenny realized that although Gibbs had loved many women in his life, herself included, that he was _in_ love with Ziva. And that thought, as someone that cared about him deeply, made her smile, knowing that he likely hadn't truly felt that way about anyone since his wife Shannon was killed.

When Gibbs strode into MTAC a short while later, McGee stepped out at Jenny's request to have a moment alone with Gibbs. When she told him that they needed to have a "little talk" after this case was put to rest he had shot her a questioning look and she chided him, with the humor more than evident in her voice, that they must not have realized that the visual feed was still on in elevator. At the realization about what she was talking about hit him, he felt like he was back in the elevator, only this time it was free falling and about to hit bottom.

Her obvious humor at the situation alleviated some of his distress but he didn't have ready answer when she asked him how long, so he just mumbled "a while". And as she interrogated further with a smirk on her face he found himself answering her in very short answers. Yes, before Mexico. No, no one else knows. No, it's not just a fling. He was being defensive, not for himself, but for what the thing was between he and Ziva. It was important to him that it was not made into something cheap and tawdry, something meaningless. And when Jenny asked him a final question, asked him if Ziva knew, he was confused and his sarcastic "what?" prompted Jenny to elaborate and ask him point blank if Ziva knew that he was in love with her. When he didn't answer and just glared in return her eyes softened and she advised him to tell Ziva, because they both deserved to be happy. And then she promised that they would work everything out, and for him not to worry.

When they were through he went to the door and got McGee. He attempted to glare at Tim as if to dare him to say anything, but it didn't work, Tim just stood there with a shadow of a smirk and promised that he hadn't seen a thing. There was just something about how seemingly happy for them McGee was that made Gibbs chuckle and raise his hands in a playful gesture pretending to choke Tim. It was another in a long series of bonding moments between the two men that had become more and more frequent since Gibbs' return from Mexico. Tim had changed while Gibbs was gone, matured into from a probie into a true junior agent. And Gibbs liked the new confidence and maturity in Tim and found himself working very well with him, an unusual situation for Gibbs, but one that good for both men.

There was one other person that had seen the elevator exchange, and and down in her lab, Abby wasn't happy about it. And not for the reason anyone might have suspected.

Later that night Gibbs was unusually quiet, and as Ziva slipped into the steaming shower behind him, massaging his shoulders, she could feel the tension. Tension that shouldn't be there considering the positive outcome of the case, the Lieutenant was safe and the robbery thwarted, but yet there it was, evident in his pensiveness and the knots she could feel under her fingers. She massaged his back and waited, knowing he would talk to her when he was ready. He savored the massage for a minute then told her about the fact that Jenny and McGee knew about them, and how. Ziva groaned and dropped her forehead onto his back. When he turned to face her, there was a little smirk playing at the corners of his mouth.

Before he had left the office, Jenny had called him into her office, where she said that since as a liaison that technically Ziva worked for Jenny and not specifically for Gibbs and that as long as they kept their work relationship professional and their personal life out of the office that she saw no reason to reassign Ziva to another team.

Gibbs and Ziva talked for a long time about whether or not to tell the rest of the team. In the end they decided that it was the right thing to do, and they were both a little giddy and a little nervous about the the thought of their relationship being out in the open. Both afraid that somehow that acknowledging that the thing between them was _something _would bring about its demise. But that negative thought was lost as the bedroom was filled with the sounds of playful teasing and laughter that soon turned into more passionate sounds as they made love joyfully, just losing themselves in each other.

The next morning started with a bang at NCIS. Tony and Ziva had headed down to Abby's lab to check on some evidence from a cold case they had been working on before the Lieutenant's kidnapping. It was oddly quiet and subdued. Abby rattled off the evidence and they turned to leave only to have Abby ask Ziva how she could do that. And in a typical Abby rant she went on and on about letting Abby say all those horrible mean things when Gibbs was in a coma, and how could she let Abby think that she didn't care about Gibbs for all these months, and why didn't she trust Abby enough to tell her. Abby ended it all by engulfing Ziva in a bear hug. Tony was clueless. Ziva realized that either McGee had told Abby about what he had seen or more likely, Abby had seen it herself.

As she hugged Abby back she told her quietly that she just couldn't at the time and that she was sorry. Abby felt absolutely awful about the things she had said all those months ago and kept trying to apologize, and Ziva had to reassure her that there was nothing to forgive. When Abby finally let her go, Ziva turned to Tony and dropped the whole bombshell on him. When he didn't say anything and turned on his heel and left she could tell he was hurt and angry.

Gibbs broke the news to Ducky, who although thrilled for the both of them, was cautiously optimistic. He had seen Jethro through three ex-wives and slew of almost ex-wives and just hoped for both their sakes that things did not take a sour turn.

Tony was the only one that didn't want to discuss it with anyone. And everyone tried, but he just put up a wall and refused to deal with it, choosing instead to just ignore it. Completely. And as the days turned into weeks after the reveal, his behavior started getting more and more peculiar, and secretive.

Gibbs and Ziva found that their new freedom took a little getting used to. They still needed to be discrete, but now they could at least go out for dinner or to a bar for a drink, or even the grocery store together without looking over their shoulders. People that had known Gibbs a long time were seeing him revert to a more relaxed and almost jovial man, like the man he had been a dozen years ago.

All in all, although work was always busy and stressful, life was good for the two of them. Or it was until a Marine Colonel was killed by a bomb at the Army/Navy Club and Lieutenant Colonel Hollis Mann entered the picture.

* * *

tbc...


	5. Chapter 5

From their first introduction at the golf course Hollis Mann set Ziva's teeth on edge. She was dismissive of Ziva and entirely too flirtatious with Gibbs. And Ziva didn't realize that Gibbs had heard her when she had said sarcastically to Tony that Gibbs had met his fourth ex-wife. Little did she know that it was all Gibbs could do to keep a straight face, his little assassin was jealous, and he finally allowed himself a chuckle over it. Which turned out to be a mistake as Hollis thought he was flirting back.

Later that night he waited for Ziva to show up at his house, but she didn't. And as he worked on the lettering on the boat he wondered exactly how long he should let her stew in her jealously. He was leaning up against his workbench, taking a long pull off his beer and he smiled, thinking about how just a couple of days ago she helped him solve a dilemma. He had been sitting on an overturned five gallon pail just staring at the back end of the boat when she had come down and stood behind him and listened to his troubles as she massaged his shoulders; he didn't know what to name this one. When he was done telling her his woes, she laughed, simply laughed at him. And then she ruffled his hair playfully and told him that he had named other boats after girls in his life that had left him, and that maybe he should name this one after the girl in his life that was with him always. As he looked at the upside-down stencil spelling out his daughter's name, he knew she was right.

He heard footsteps in the house, and he raised a brow as they made their way to the basement steps, they were not Ziva's footsteps. Hollis. They sparred verbally for a while, and he could tell she was looking for him to give her an in, to let her know that he was interested. And maybe, if he were honest with himself, in different time and place, he would have been, but not now. He kept the conversation on the case, avoiding her attempts to pull him out. And he really got closed mouth when she started questioning about who Kelly was.

It just felt wrong for Hollis to say that name, wrong on so many levels. And yet he would share things about Kelly and Shannon with Ziva, and he knew it was because of many reasons. Ziva understood the pain of senseless loss, she grew up in world where friends and family were lost in the blink of an eye as they shopped for fruit in the market. And Ziva never begrudged him his grief and his pain for them, especially as raw and exposed as it was after his coma. She just did her best to comfort him when he needed it or gave him space to fight those demons on his own, whichever he needed. And Ziva never tried to compare herself to Shannon, she was confident in herself as woman and was not intimidated by his memory of a woman long since laid to rest.

Gibbs finally managed to evict Hollis, glad in a way that Ziva hadn't shown up in the middle of that particular conversation, he suspected it would have been unpleasant, mostly for him. And later after he had showered and crawled into bed, he rolled over on his side and looked at the empty side of the bed with a sigh. He rested his hand on her pillow and tried in vain to sleep, but it just wouldn't come. She was supposed to be with him, and he frowned in the dark wondering exactly how this had all escalated to this point.

Ziva was not sleeping either. She had paced her apartment more times than she cared to count and gave up on television hours ago. She had finally just taken out her throwing knife and time after time threw it expertly across the living room to embed in the door jam to her bedroom. The damage would probably cost her her security deposit but she did not care. Her mind was analyzing the situation over and over, and kept coming to the conclusion that the Colonel was ultimately a better match for Gibbs than she was. They had many things in common, with their service records and jobs. They were closer in age and cultural upbringing. And most likely even religion. And with each thunk of the knife she tried to tell herself that she knew this day was coming, that the thing between them was not permanent, they were not married, and that they had not even said "I love you" to each other, not once.

Eventually Ziva's arm felt like mush from throwing and she took a shower and tried to find a comfortable position in bed that would not remind her that he was not with her. It did not work, and she was lying there watching the numbers change on her clock when her cell phone rang. The caller id simply showed "Gibbs". He told her he just called to say good night. Their conversation was light, and completely avoided the topic they really needed to talk about. When they hung up, Ziva wanted to throw the phone across the room. Gibbs actually did.

The next couple of days were tense. They managed to keep it out of the job, but the rest of the team knew that something was up. And it was Abby of all people that recognized that the problem was Colonel Mann. Even before she had found out about Ziva and Gibbs, the Colonel would have been way too Gibbs clingy for Abby, and since she _did_ know about them it was even worse in her eyes.

When Gibbs found out that Ziva had climbed up into the rafters to disarm that bomb he thought he was going to be physically ill. And he was so angry with her he almost didn't trust himself to speak. In the end he put on a stony mask and threatened her in front of everyone in his normal gruff manor, but inside he was still reeling that she would so recklessly put herself in danger.

And she was able to throw his words back at him when he needed her to disarm the bomb on the promenade. When she succeeded, not that there was a question in his mind that she would, he was inordinately proud of her and found himself wanted to crow that she was _his._

Thankfully with the case closed for the time being, Mann returned to her own office and things started getting back to normal. Normal except for the fact that they hadn't been alone together in a week until they found themselves on the elevator as they headed home. His fingers itched to hit the emergency stop and shake some sense into her, but he didn't. He walked Ziva to her car in silence and as she opened the door asked if he was going to see her later. As others walked by them in the parking lot she simply shrugged and got into her car and left.

Suddenly very tired, Gibbs got in his own car and after stewing for a couple of minutes, pulled out of the lot. He reached the spot where if he turned one way he was going home and if he turned the other way he headed towards Ziva's apartment, almost of its own volition the car turned towards the latter. Ziva wasn't surprised to see him. She let him in and his gentle "talk to me, Ziva" was genuine and heartfelt. And in words that she had rehearsed to herself again and again, told him that she did not want to be in the way and that if he were uncomfortable that she would have the Director reassign her. He listened to the words coming out of her mouth that did not even remotely match what he saw in her eyes. Gibbs was at a loss and when his mouth offered up "Ziva, I love you but I have no idea what's going on in that head of yours" it stopped her dead in her tracks.

To say that Ziva was shocked would have been an understatement and she desperately wanted him to verify that she had heard him correctly and the "what did you say?" was out before she could stop it. When he repeated the bit about not knowing what was going in her head, she shook her head and demanded the other part.

Sheepishly he looked down at his shoes for a moment, the room quiet enough he could hear both of them breathing. He looked up and met her eyes and very deliberately and leaving no room for misinterpretation told her he loved her.

Ziva was kissing him fiercely a heartbeat later. And as he folded her in the embrace she adored she told him she loved him too.

The next morning he was padding around her kitchen in his boxer shorts making them coffee, and on his way back to the bedroom he noticed something that he hadn't the night before, although it was understandable as they had been a little busy as they stumbled their way out of their clothes on the way to the bedroom. But now in the light of morning he could clearly see the damaged wood of the door jam and he knew instantly what it was from. Chuckling to himself he put the mugs down on the nightstand and leaned in to kiss her and promised that he would fix the door jam for her.

* * *

tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

Those three little words closed any remaining gap between them, and unless work related, they also put an end to either of them sleeping alone. They slipped into a domesticity that came so easily it was almost scary. His neighbors soon became aware of her and she found herself welcomed by families that had known Jethro for over twenty years. She laid out new running routes for herself through the neighborhood and found herself waving often to neighbors that recognized her. Dinner invitations were extended to them which surprised the offerers when they were actually accepted, Jethro Gibbs was known for almost being hermit. And with only a little hesitancy on his part, they themselves extended dinner invitations and for the first time in he couldn't even remember how long, his home was filled with people and laughter as they ate a home cooked meal off of the china that Shannon had picked out twenty-five years ago.

The discussion that they had had about the china was really a thinly veiled conversation about Shannon and her place in their current lives. Gibbs did not want Ziva to be uncomfortable with reminders of Shannon in his home, he did not compare the two woman. They both had a place in his life, Shannon the past, Ziva the present and future. And he had offered, when she first brought up the subject of inviting people over for a meal, to pack the china away and let Ziva pick out something new, something _hers_. But Ziva, in the same practical way that she had taken over Kate's desk, told him to leave the china right were it was in the hutch. She understood what he was trying to do for her, but she also understood tradition and knew that all those years ago that that china had been picked out with the dream of a lifetime of holidays and special occasions yet to come. A dream that had been cruelly destroyed. And when she took the delicately flowered plate from his hand and put it gently back in the hutch her simple "I don't think Shannon would mind" conveyed to him that it really was okay with her, and that was that.

Thanksgiving had been a wonderful holiday, spent with Ducky and Mrs. Mallard and most of the rest of the team. It was the first time that any of them had seen Ziva and Gibbs together as a couple. And what surprised them was that they were no different than they were at the office. Maybe a little freer to tease, and there was the occasional casual touch, but there was no mooning over each other or ridiculous public displays of affection. The only thing that even came close was when they were outside playing touch football and Gibbs caught her and threw Ziva over his shoulder and ran with her to keep her from making a touchdown. Everyone had had a good laugh over that and she had punched his arm playfully. Mrs. Mallard's rather loud pronouncement that Gibbs "should marry that girl" made everyone laugh all the harder, and managed to make Gibbs' face turn as red as his sweatshirt.

Work was work, and in a short space of time they managed to clear McGee's sister of murder, stop a female serial killer, and play with a really cool robotic vehicle. But all of that was overshadowed by Tony's odd behavior. Ziva was getting more and more concerned about his actions, and she was terrified that something was really wrong. Something he wouldn't share.

* * *

Ziva being Jewish was defining to her. She was proud to be Jewish, and her culture and faith were important to her. And Gibbs knew that. They had talked about it late one night as he was lying with his head on her chest, his finger tracing the Star of David she always wore. She had asked him if it bothered him that she was Jewish. Gibbs had tilted his head and given her his patented "are you crazy" look and his only reply was "same God". They had never talked about faith, and where he stood on religion and God and the host of things that went with them. His own beliefs were very private to him, and she respected that.

She found the first gift tucked into her favorite mug in the cupboard when she went to get them after dinner coffees. Wrapped in blue paper and tied with a simple white bow, it made her smile. He remembered. Opening it she laughed, it was candy. But not just any candy. It was candy that she had only remembered mentioning once, months ago, in a casual conversation at the office. It was candy from her childhood, from her home. He watched from behind her, enjoying the view of the soft curve of her cheek drawn up in a smile and her raven curls cascading down her back. Silky curls that he loved playing with while she slept nestled beside him. Her "you remembered" was said without her turning around. And his teasing "Of course I remembered, Happy Hanukkah" was said as he stepped up behind her and put his hands on her waist, and kissed the top of her head. But that wasn't what she meant, and her repeated "no, I mean, you remembered" was playfully accusing as she lifted the candy. He chuckled and his retorted "I am trained to remember details, Ziva" was playful in return.

Before she could reply he took her by the hand into the living room over to a little table he had set up near the front window. On it was a beautiful wooden Menorah that she instantly knew had not been purchased in any store. He had made it with his own hands, sawing and shaping and fitting together blocks of wood into a beautiful symbol of her faith, an heirloom of their own to be cherished and handed down. He handed her the candles and listened to her lilting voice recite the blessings in Hebrew. And with both their hands on his lighter, they lit the _shamash_ and the first of eight candles. As they stood together, with his arm around her and watched the little flames flicker Ziva's thoughts went to those loved ones she had lost, and to the ones he had lost. And then her thoughts moved on to think of the many blessings in her life, the most important one was the gift of being loved by the man standing next to her, and it was truly a divine blessing that two people that had seen such violence and bloodshed and had both lost so much, would find each other.

Each night of the holiday she found a gift for her. The second night she found an odd, lumpy looking blue wrapped package on the coffee table for her, she opened it to find a half dozen skeins of soft yarn. She had told him that she wanted to make an afghan for the couch and the yarn was the perfect shade for it. The third night was a stunning silk scarf that she had admired in a shop window when they were on their way to interview a witness in one of their cases, she hadn't realized that he had noticed. The forth night's gift was something she had been complaining she needed for weeks, a large wok. The fifth night she found a tinkling glass wind chime, with pieces in every color of the rainbow. The sixth night was a set of exotic spices from around the world. The seventh night's gift took her breath away, it was a beautiful wooden jewelry box with an intricate middle eastern design inlaid in ebony wood on the top. She recognized the ebony, he had had a piece of it on his workbench weeks ago, but never mentioned what it was for, now she knew.

The eighth night's gift made her cry. The box was very small, not much bigger than a deck of cards, and when she opened it to see an old fashioned brass key nestled in tissue she couldn't stop the tears. The key was to the upright piano in the corner. A piano that he hadn't allowed anyone to play since he closed and locked it after Kelly died. She had only asked him about it once, and after hearing his reply she had never mentioned it again. And knowing what it meant to him to give her that key she couldn't stop the tears. He chided her with a smirk as he wiped them away and pulled her over to the piano where she fitted the key with a shaking hand. Once it was open, she placed her fingers gently on the keys and thought for a moment and started playing _Amazing Grace_, the gentle squeeze of his hands on her shoulders his show of acceptance. The piano was in desperate need of tuning, and the song did not sound musically perfect, but it was perfect none the less, a perfect acknowledgment of the past, and the grace that that brought them together.

Each night they lit the candles together and when Hanukkah was over, she carefully tucked the menorah into the hutch in the dining room, and if he was ever surprised at the sight of her heirloom sitting next to Shannon's heirlooms he never let it show.

* * *

tbc...


	7. Chapter 7

Tony's behavior had started to become an obsession with Ziva. The two cell phones and odd missing blocks of time really worried her. Gibbs suspected that Tony had a new girlfriend that he didn't want to share and he wasn't as concerned. He also suspected there was something going on between him and the Director, something that she didn't want Gibbs to know about, and he hoped for Tony's sake that he knew what the hell he was doing.

Their little trip to Edenvale before Christmas was an adventure. He listened as Ziva efficiently put the racist deputy in his place, struggling to keep the smile off his face. But as humorous as it was, he knew that she had to put up with things like that all the time and it made him a little sad. The case was a nightmare, and Gibbs was in an overall foul mood by they time they got to the suspect's house, and finding what they believed to be a bomb factory did not improve it in the least.

By the time the three of them got to the motel for the night, Gibbs was at his absolute irritable best and Ziva was not far behind him as she had not been able to get a hold of Tony all evening. They were both a bit prickly, although not at each other.

Ziva almost had to intervene when the clerk told them he only had two rooms available and McGee made the mistake of saying he didn't mind sharing with Gibbs. She knew if the two of them went in that room given Gibbs' mood that only one would be coming out in the morning and it would not have been McGee.

They had discussed this possible scenario when they had first told their teammates about their relationship, and had decided that unless it was absolutely unavoidable that they wouldn't bunk together, for appearances sake. The same reason they agreed that they would be on opposite stakeout teams when needed. They didn't want to give off any sense of impropriety. But all their careful discussions went out the window as Gibbs threw one room key to McGee and scooped up the other and just gave her a look that screamed volumes as he turned and walked out of the motel office.

She knew that look, and no sooner had the door to their room closed and their bags dropped on the bed than he purposely stalked towards her and backed her up against the wall and kissed her with the same intent he had that very first time. They made love passionately, letting go of all their stress and tension and irritation. When midnight had come and gone, they were lying together in the darkened room, the countryside quiet permeating the room. McGee had finally turned off his television in the next room, and they had realized with a little embarrassment that he had turned it up loudly as to avoid the possibility of hearing them having sex through the paper thin walls of the motel. They talked softly about the case, both of their minds still sorting through the evidence trying to find that missing piece that would put it all together for them. As their eyelids finally grew heavy, he felt it important in this town seething with intolerance, to remind her that he loved her, and as he squeezed her in tighter he whispered a gentle "I love you" in Hebrew as he kissed her temple.

The next morning Ziva still could not get a hold of Tony and she was exasperated. Gibbs had brewed coffee after assuring her that they wouldn't be drinking the chicory crap from the motel, he had brought real coffee from home. Even the good coffee didn't lessen her irritation with Tony, and when they were finally in the car Gibbs had had enough and he threw out a comment about her and Tony getting married and not telling him. Their annoyed conversation that followed almost blossomed into a full blown argument, avoided only by Gibb punching the accelerator.

They managed to find their suspect and barely keep the trigger happy deputy from killing him in time. Gibbs overheard her conversation with the Iraqi from the other side of the hospital curtain, and it made him think about the ugly things in her life that she just accepted as part of who she was, the distrust, the racial hatred, and all that went with them. And if the situation hadn't been quite so serious, he would have laughed out loud when she almost made that obnoxious deputy sing soprano for the slurs against the Iraqi. It gave him another glimpse of, a little peek into things she kept hidden deep inside, hidden from him, and even, he thought, hidden from herself.

They had made their way back home to D.C. and wrapped up the case, both satisfied that more potential terrorist threats were eliminated. And in the couple of weeks just prior to Christmas they found a unusual calm at the office, and no major cases.

* * *

They attended the agency holiday party together, their first major public appearance as a couple, and Ziva was nervous. She insisted upon getting ready at her own apartment and when he arrived to pick her up and saw her decked out in an amazing black cocktail dress he could only stand there and stare with a truly goofy expression on his face. The dress fit her like a second skin, the strapless black crepe clinging to every curve. Her hair was pinned up loosely and and her face just glowed. Now he had seen her dressed up for ops before, but this was different. Tonight she wasn't playing any part except his date and she was stunning.

Stunned was exactly the word to describe their co-workers when they walked into the part together. In all the years that Gibbs had worked for NCIS he had _never_ attended the holiday party. And to their further surprise, not only did he attend, but he actually laughed and danced, and just enjoyed himself. Those that knew him best knew that his change of heart was brought on by Ziva, and their appearance together at the party finally put to rest and affirmed all the scuttlebutt in the office about whether or not they were an item.

They had been mingling separately and he hadn't seen her for a few minutes. When he went looking for her, he found her in a side room off of the ballroom, amidst several decorated Christmas trees. She was admiring the trees and when she felt him approach her from behind she asked him if he put up a tree. His hands were warm on her shoulders as he told her he hadn't since his last divorce and then it had all been his ex-wife's doing, some ugly weird Renaissance theme or something. She nodded but didn't say anything, but she did smile as his arms slipped around her and she leaned back against him as they just stood there, enjoying the simple frosted white ornaments and twinkling lights of the tree.

Jenny and Tony stopped themselves at the doorway. They were looking for a place to have a private conversation, but they both took in the intimate moment between Ziva and Gibbs and without disturbing them went looking elsewhere for a conversation spot. Jenny was extremely happy for them, they each seemed to fill a need within the other. Tony's thoughts were mixed, he was on most levels, happy for them. But there was a sliver of loss that he felt keenly sometimes, like he had maybe missed out on an opportunity with Ziva. But he didn't dwell on it. They were happy, and they both deserved it. He just wished his own life would fall into place like that, but with what he was doing for the Director, that wasn't likely to happen any time soon.

* * *

The following Saturday, Ziva had actually beaten Gibbs out of bed, and had waved a steaming cup of coffee under his nose as an incentive to get up. When he finally cracked an eye she bounced excitedly on the bed next to him and told him he needed to get up. When he asked her why and reached for the cup, she held it out of his reach and leaning in to kiss him told him that they were going to get a Christmas tree.

It took more caffeine and a hot shower for him to be willing to go along. When they got to the tree farm a goodly way outside of the city, Ziva was enthralled and curious, and... intimidated. She had not realized that people made such a big deal out of selecting a tree. It was almost a carnival at the tree farm, with its hayrides and hot chocolate and spicy homemade donuts. There were tons of children everywhere and there was an enormous line to get a picture taken with a real, live reindeer. Ziva was suddenly horrified, thinking she had stirred up painful memories for Gibbs and she was about to stammer out something about forgetting the whole thing and just going home when he took her by the hand and dragged her over to get in line for a picture, his teasing "since we're here" and little smirk let her know that everything was fine.

It was a day of sharing for them, or actually for him. He found himself opening up about Christmases past, with his family, with his ex-wives, and of course with Kelly and Shannon. They sampled everything the tree farm had to offer, and as they sat among the bails of hay on the rickety horse-drawn cart, his with his arm around her and her snuggling a little closer for warmth, a pleasant woman sitting across from them asked if this was their first Christmas together. Before Ziva could say anything, Gibbs threw out a "yep" with a grin. They both managed a chuckle later on when they overheard the woman call them newlyweds to her son.

They stalked around the rows of trees and finally found one they agreed on and in short order it was cut down, bound, and riding home in the bed of the truck.

When they arrived back at his house he headed into the attic to find the tree stand, and had a flash of grief hit him as he looked at the things in the attic, he hadn't been up here in years and everywhere he looked there was something of Kelly's, something of Shannon's. He had put all of their things up here, promising himself that someday he would be strong enough to go through it all and get rid of things. He hadn't gotten to this part of the house when he came back from Mexico, now he wished he had.

He was lost in his memories and didn't hear Ziva climb up into the attic. She looked around seeing the boxes marked "Kelly's room" and "Shannon's dresser", and totes of toys and games. She also saw some furniture in the far end of the attic covered with dust cloths, one piece in particular had the definitive shape of a crib. She met his eyes and knew, knew that this was where his ghosts lived. She didn't have to acknowledge his pain, he knew she knew. Instead she walked past him and in a move mirroring what he did when she shot Ari, simply gave his hand a little squeeze in passing as she headed for the boxes marked "Christmas". She picked one up and read off the contents "tree stand and lights" and gently added that that was the place to start. If she noticed that his hands shook a little as he took the box from her or that he had to swallow roughly more than once to clear the lump out of his throat, she never let on.

They managed to get the tree situated in the stand, and it was even straight. The lights, however, were a lost cause, too many years of non-use had not been kind to them. They found themselves at the department store getting new ones instead. And as they wandered around the aisles of decorations she sensed that he wanted to get new ones, and not use the ornaments from his past. When she finally asked him that point blank, he just nodded, and together they picked out new ones.

They decorated the tree with a cd of very festive modern carols playing, a gift from Tony, and the decorating was often paused as she made Jethro explain yet another bizarre Americanism from the lyrics. When they were done and tidying up the mess, she had the box of his old ornaments in her hand and asked him if he was sure he didn't want to put at least a few on the tree, his wane smile and gentle shake of his head his only answer. When they were all done, with only bringing the boxes back to the attic left, which Jethro volunteered to do, Ziva disappeared into the kitchen to make dinner.

A little while later she popped out of the kitchen to ask his preference on something and stopped in her tracks as she saw him standing there with the open box of old ornaments, adding several carefully to the tree. When his eyes met hers his "maybe just a few" was said a little shyly. She walked over to him and took his face in her hands and kissed him gently and she got the smile she was looking for from her "as many as you want" that she whispered before kissing him again.

* * *

Christmas Eve arrived and Ziva found herself going to a midnight service with Gibbs and, of all people, Abby. It was apparently a tradition with them, and Abby was thrilled that Ziva was going along. Ziva enjoyed many parts of the service, the religious parts not withstanding. The music was beautiful from the hidden pipe organ and the choir that accompanied it sang with joy. She couldn't help but smile at the children putting on the pageant, struggling to remember their parts and make their parents proud. And the church itself was beautiful, it was very old and full of dark woods and beautiful stonework. But the thing she liked best of all was something intangible, something that transcended any specific religion, it was the sense of peace that filled the church, it was something she wished there was more of in the world, especially in her homeland so far away. And she almost did not know what to think when the rounds of "peace be with you" started among the congregates. None of those around her hesitated to shake her hand and offer the blessing, neither her appearance or her Star of David pendant stopping anyone.

Gibbs could see her being a little unsettled and simply placed his hand on the small of her back, letting her know he was there. And as long as he lived he would never forget the radiant smile that she beamed upwards when the massive bells in the church started pealing out their song at the end of the service.

Christmas morning it was his turn to wave a cup of coffee under her nose to wake her up. And he barely gave her time to go to the bathroom and put on her bathrobe before dragging her into the living room. It was as if he were suddenly six years old again. He made her sit on the floor in front of the tree, telling her it was all part of the tradition. He grabbed the two lumpy stockings from the mantle, they had each been dropping little gifts in them for days. Ziva had had long talks with both Ducky and Abby about what sort of things one put in a stocking and she hoped she got it right. Slowly and with a lot of laughter they opened all the little silly gifts, finding candy and favorite pens, and hair scrunchies and samples of gourmet coffee. As their little piles grew she knew she got the stocking part right, and just hoped the gift under the tree would be as well received.

He pulled a large box out from under the tree and handed it too her, and her mouth flew open in shock when she saw what it was. She had only mentioned wanting one of the Navy issue pea coats once and yet there one was, in her size.

She kissed him in response and excitedly pulled out the gift with his name on it. He opened it and pulled out the contents, and just sat there silently fingering the large antique compass. The antique compass he had looked at every time he went by the naval antiques store, the antique compass that he had wanted for years but wouldn't buy himself, the antique compass that he had only mentioned to her once, the antique compass that would be perfect on his boat. He looked up to see her biting her lip, waiting for his response, he smiled and his "I can't believe you remembered" got his own words thrown back at him "I am a trained to remember details, Jethro" before he was able to shut her up by kissing her deeply.

Both of them needing more coffee, Ziva went to get up to get them refills when Jethro stopped her. He handed her back her stocking and told her there was still something left in it. She looked confused, she could have sworn it had been empty. She pulled the little gift out, noticing it was wrapped in much fancier paper than the others had been, and it was tied with silver ribbon. Removing the paper exposed a jeweler's box and she opened it to see a beautiful diamond engagement ring reflecting the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree.

Her eyes flew to his and she saw the little impish grin she loved so much on his face, he reached over and tugged the box out of her hands and took out the ring. He held it out to her and his words were simple and heartfelt "Ziva David, I love you. Will you be _ishti_?" and they were honestly words she never expected to hear from him. But there was no hesitation in her answering "I would be honored to be your wife, Leroy Jethro Gibbs" because there was no doubt in her mind that this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and to build a home and a family with.

* * *

tbc...


	8. Chapter 8

They were able to share the news later that afternoon when they joined the rest of the team at Ducky's for Christmas dinner. Oddly, none of the team were surprised, perhaps a little at the timing of his proposal, but not that he had. The bond between them was obvious to anyone that knew them.

When their co-workers at NCIS found out about their engagement the betting pools started. Some of them were in honest fun, like when they would actually get married and there was another betting on whether or not the happy couple would go to the altar armed.

Others were not so kind, one pool betting on if they would actually go through with it, and another betting how long it would last if they did, these were kept very hush-hush in the office and kept away from Gibbs and Ziva and their teammates. But Tony found out. And when he did, all traces of the playful frat boy disappeared and in his place was an angry Senior Field Agent. The two clods running those pools almost didn't know what hit them when Tony stormed over to their desks and without preamble told them to shut them down. No one had ever seen Tony that angry before and all they could do was nod. And they kept nodding as he stalked off back to his own desk.

He was in a foul mood the rest of the day, and the rest of the team kept looking at him with each new muttering and desk drawer slamming. Gibbs finally had had enough and his "DiNozzo, with me" was said in a tone that left no doubt it was an order. In the elevator the emergency switch was thrown and Gibbs asked him directly what was bugging him. When Tony didn't answer him and wouldn't meet his eyes, Gibbs asked if had anything to do with him loosing it over the betting pools. Tony's eyes still would not meet Gibbs', he should have known that Gibbs would have heard about the incident. Gibbs chuckled and reminded Tony that the reality was that Ziva would in fact be Gibbs' fifth wife, and that he should have expected some humor about Gibbs' issues with marriage to make the rounds and that although he appreciated it that Tony really didn't have to defend him. When Tony still didn't respond something clicked for Gibbs and his "unless it wasn't me you were defending" made Tony's head snap up and his eyes finally met Gibbs'.

Tony's only comment "this is important to her" made Gibbs pause. He realized that Tony wasn't just talking about the bad jokes in the office. He was watching out for Ziva, protecting her. If it had been any other man, Gibbs would have been concerned, would have wondered all sorts of things to make him seethe with jealousy. But not Tony. He knew that Tony cared very much for Ziva, she was his partner, his friend. And maybe in another time and place she would have been someone that Tony would have fallen for, but here and now he was her protective big brother. And no one was going to be allowed to hurt her, not even Gibbs.

He and Tony rarely talked about things they were feeling, it just wasn't something they did. When Gibbs' quietly stated "I love her, Tony" came out, he was surprised at the "like your ex-wives?" that Tony asked simply, honestly. Tony wasn't prepared for the hoarsely whispered "No. Like my first wife" that came out of Gibbs. Tony knew how much it cost Gibbs to make that statement out loud, and he wondered for a moment if Gibbs had ever admitted that even to himself before that moment. Tony's eyes softened and he nodded, acknowledging it all with the simple gesture, Gibbs' eternal grief at loosing his first family and depth of his feelings for Ziva.

Gibbs restarted the elevator and the doors soon opened. But before he stepped out ahead of Tony he dropped a serious "Tony, you keep looking out for her" that earned him back a sincere "you got it, Boss" that left both men grinning a little as they headed back to the bullpen.

Neither of them realized that their matching grins as they made their way bumped Tony almost to the top of the list in the "Gibbs' Best Man" pool, just a few points behind Ducky.

* * *

Ziva's father knew about her relationship with Gibbs. He was not happy with it, but he did not interfere, he knew full well about Gibbs' track record with women, and knew that they would not last. Director David even knew the same day when Gibbs had purchased the engagement ring, and knew the to the penny what Gibbs had spent on it and even what he had inscribed on the inside. But even that did not dissuade his believe that the wedding would just never happen. Ziva would come to her senses long before it got to that point, and if she didn't, he would bring her to her senses himself.

* * *

The discovery of a dead Marine Major in locked underground room brought two people back into their lives that they would both have rather not had to deal with again. Hollis Man and Mamoun Sharif.

The scope of the case itself was terrifying, Sharif had the ability to kill countless. But somehow through it all, Hollis still kept trying to flirt with Gibbs, and to his credit he kept deflecting her advances. But she was setting Ziva's teeth on edge yet again. And when Gibbs left the bullpen to go think in his basement, Ziva knew that Hollis was going to follow. And sure enough she did. And so did Ziva.

Ziva arrived in time to hear Hollis asked Gibbs what he saw in her eyes and he said that she wanted him to kiss her, and when Hollis asked him if he were going to, Ziva paused on the stairs listening for his response. His gentle, but firm "no" stopped Hollis in her tracks, and he went on to tell her that he was seeing someone, and that they were in fact getting married.

Hollis stammered a bit and tried to compose herself but she couldn't hide the disbelief, and the "who" that escaped her lips dripped bitterness. Ziva's "me" was said simply as she stepped off the bottom stair with her expression neutral and her chin held high. Hollis' mouth gaped like a fish, and as Ziva went to stand next to Gibbs his hand automatically found the small of her back. Hollis took it all in, especially the engagement ring on Ziva's hand, which somehow made this real and not some sort of a joke or cruel brush off.

Hollis had grabbed her coat and left in a huff, and once she was gone Gibbs pulled Ziva into a tight hug and was teasing her that that went well when his cell phone rang, Sharif.

Things progressed at near light speed after that, the trip to see Ducky, the figuring out what Sharif was up to, and culminating in the chaos at the train station. And ultimately ending with Gibbs on the floor of the restroom with gunshots ringing out over him. He felt hands on his face that he would know anywhere and forced himself to focus on her face. And when his eyes finally focused, they met Ziva's that were full of worry and fear. She had been a few steps ahead of Hollis and the rest of the team and when she saw Jethro on the ground had unloaded her weapon into Sharif. And when one of tears that she was trying to hold in slipped down her cheek, he willed his hand to raise and wipe it away with his thumb. Hollis had seen the intimate moment and with the flurry of activity around the medics arriving, slipped unnoticed out of the restroom to go oversee the rest of the cleanup of the contamination.

Later that night, long after he and Ziva had slipped into an exhausted sleep, he awoke to an empty bed. Slipping quietly through the house he heard her down in the basement. He watched her viscously sanding a section of the boat, and he winced as she attacked it without form or finesse. He made his way over to stand behind her and stilled the sanding block with his hands. Without a word she turned and started sobbing into his chest, all of the emotions of the day catching up with her. As he held her, he heard muffled things like "almost lost you again" croaked against his chest. Gibbs knew there was nothing he could say to make it any better, they both knew what the job was, but they didn't have to like it.

When she had calmed down, he scooped her up without a word and carried her upstairs and they proved to each other with their bodies that they were still alive. Little did they know that as a day so surrounded in death and hate ended, that a little spark of life grabbed hold with both hands that would soon turn their world upside down.

* * *

tbc...


	9. Chapter 9

Ziva was known for having an iron clad stomach. So when they went to investigate the explosion at the mausoleum and she bolted back outside to throw up splendidly in the bushes after catching a good whiff of the effluvium coating the crime scene, Gibbs was concerned.

He made her sit in the open doorway to the van and got her a bottle of water. When a little color returned to her cheeks and she had cursed the burritos Tony bought them for lunch the day before in all the languages she knew, Gibbs offered her a piece of cinnamon gum with a little grin and told her to go interview the cemetery workers.

She had just hopped down and was making her way to do the interviews when she groaned seeing the Army CID van arrive. Hollis was back. Again. And this time when Ziva muttered under her breath, it was cursing other things in all her languages.

Hollis was with them for the duration of the case. And in her own mind, Ziva blamed her for the semi-constant nausea that plagued her. She hid it from Gibbs though, not wanting him to worry unnecessarily. When they had finished the case and it still wouldn't go away Ziva decided that there really was something wrong and she visited Ducky.

* * *

Gibbs had fingered the rows of careful, tiny stitches gently, a little smile ghosting his face. The soft yarn was multicolored and the rows were a medley, going from white to yellow to pink to blue. Baby colors. Ziva had started knitting the blanket last week for one of the girls at the office that was having a baby.

He had found out that she liked to knit when she went undercover at the speed-dating circus. And the idea that his little assassin enjoyed something so domestic made him smile every time he thought about it. The same as it did every time he actually saw her with yarn in hand, which was often.

She had somehow taken over a corner of his basement. It had started simply, with her sitting cross-legged on his workbench knitting as he worked on the boat, both enjoying the quiet companionship. Now months later, there was an old, comfortable leather wingback chair that he had hefted down from the attic, with a little table and lamp in "her" corner. And today he had was adding a cedar chest that he had made to her corner, to hold all her yarns and projects and protect them from sawdust.

As he placed the half-done blanket in the chest he heard her behind him and his "I thought you'd be done with this one by now" was playful and teasing

With a little knowing grin her "I finished the first one a couple of days ago, but I discovered that I needed to make another" was said lightly, as she slipped her arm in his.

When he questioned if somebody else was having a baby, it was a good thing there was a chair close by, because her simple "yes, us" took him completely by surprise and he had to sit as he didn't trust his knees not to buckle. A baby. They were having a baby.

* * *

They had talked long into the night, well, talked in between making love. They just couldn't get close enough to each other. And as Jethro lay there with his head on Ziva's chest with his warm hand resting over her womb, over his child, he had sighed contently, his life had come full circle.

* * *

One of the things they had discussed was getting married before the baby came, something that was important to both of them. There were practical attributes to that desire other than just not wanting a baby born out of wedlock. Ziva was not a United States citizen. And if her father had decided to make trouble for them, he could have her recalled to Israel and she would have had limited options but to go. And the baby being born out of wedlock and not on American soil would have made things extremely difficult in regards to his or her citizenship and parental rights.

Gibbs tried to talk her into speaking with her father, and had offered to go with her. But she wouldn't hear of it, she was petrified that her father would have found some way to take everything away from her, NCIS, Jethro, and even the baby.

They had decided in light of everything, that a small wedding ceremony with just those closest to them would be best. And Jethro had felt bad about that, in his mind Ziva deserved to have a big, lavish wedding with all the bells and whistles where she was the shining center of everyone's attention.

Ducky offered the use of his beautiful home and garden for the little ceremony and luncheon and they had readily accepted. What they didn't know was that once they did, that their friends immediately set to work to surprise them. Or more specifically, surprise her, because Jethro was wholeheartedly in on it all.

* * *

The morning of the ceremony had broken bright and clear. Ziva had stayed at her own apartment the night before, having given in to the suspicion that it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. She had just finished her shower when there was knock on the door, and she opened it to see Abby and Jen on the other side, both wearing matching grins that smacked of conspiracy. And sure enough, they dragged her out of the apartment and to a wonderful salon where she was pampered and had her hair and makeup expertly done.

When they had arrived back to her apartment there had been another surprise waiting for her. Her simple white summer dress that she had planned to wear had been stuck back in the closet and hanging on the door in its place was a long garment bag from an upscale bridal shop. There was a note attached, the dress was a gift from Tony. She quickly opened the garment bag and saw a designer lace and satin confection that she remembered that she had pointed out to Tony on a magazine cover.

As she had pulled the dress and matching veil out of the garment bag she thought about Tony. She still worried about him, not quite as much as before, when she thought he was sick again, but his secrecy still made her worry that he was in over his head with the woman he was seeing. And she hoped that he knew that she had his back whether this clandestine girlfriend was personal or as she rather suspected, work related. He was her partner, and more importantly, he was her friend, and she protected what was hers.

The dress fit her like a glove, and she chuckled, because if there was anything that Tony was good at, it was sizing up a woman's body.

When they reached Ducky's house, Tony met them outside. And sensing that Ziva and Tony needed a moment of privacy, Abby and Jen went inside, leaving them alone on the front porch. He had an odd, almost wistful little smile on his face as he took her hands and looked her up and down.

She thanked him for the dress and in his ever nonchalant way he just brushed it off like he bought designer wedding gowns all the time. Then he gave her hands a little squeeze and asked her with a little tilt of his head if she were really sure she wanted to do this. Ziva laughed lightly and hugged him fiercely and as she pulled back she kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear about the baby. They hadn't told anyone about that yet, and only Ducky knew. They planned on announcing the happy news after the ceremony. Tony's eyes grew large in surprise, he knew how much that had to mean to the both of them, Gibbs especially, and he could see the happiness about it shining on her face, staring back at him. His playful demeanor returned and his "well we better go get you married off then pregnant lady" was said in teasing and was especially lighthearted.

If Tony had any lingering doubts about how Gibbs felt about Ziva, they were completely blown away the by the look of awe and pure adoration that was in Gibbs' eyes as his sure hands gently lifted the sheer veil and covered her face. They had all researched Jewish wedding customs and traditions and found several that they could incorporate into the secular backyard service. Gibbs' placing of her veil was just the first.

As she stepped outside into the garden, Ziva's eyes had grown huge in surprise at the beautiful _huppah_ being held erect by all of their teammates. And when Ziva looked at Jethro with the question in her eyes, he just smirked and teased her that they were waiting for them.

They approached the _huppah_ together and Jethro took his place underneath it as she slowly walked around it and him. The symbolism was not lost on either her or Jethro, the walk around representing the building of their home, of their family. And the idea that their teammates, no, their _family,_ were there supporting their foundation meant more to both of them than they could ever express with words.

Judge Cohen was a long time friend of Ducky's and had happily agreed to perform the ceremony. It was a medley of customs, some Jewish, some Christian, and most importantly the legal secular ones that officially married them. And when their rings had been exchanged and Judge Cohen pronounced them husband and wife, Gibbs leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss, a little embarrassed with everyone watching. But Ziva wasn't having any of that and proceeded to pull her husband in by his lapels and kiss him passionately. That got the party started.

They all ate, drank and made merry. Mrs. Mallard, surprisingly enough, was being a delightful hostess, and she took great pleasure in taking credit for Jethro and Ziva getting married, telling anyone that would listen that she had been the one to tell Jethro months ago to marry that girl. At some point in the festivities, probably around the time she had tried to marry Abby off to McGee for the third time, Ducky prudently swapped her champagne for ginger ale.

They were gathered around the beautiful cake that was Abby's contribution to the festivities, a towering confection of buttercream adorned with red roses, when Gibbs cleared his throat and made the announcement about the baby. There was a moment of stunned silence as everyone digested the news and it was Judge Cohen who broke the silence with a heartfelt "mazal tov" that started rounds of hugs and congratulations. Oddly, it was Tony's reaction that was most important to Jethro, and when Tony finally met his eyes he could tell that the smile on Tony's face was genuine and true, and the little nod he gave Jethro let him know that Tony really was happy for them.

When things finally started winding down, and the photographer that was Tim's contribution to the festivities had taken his last picture and left, Jen pulled Gibbs and Ziva aside and handed them an envelope. It was four day stay at a posh lakeside resort about three hours away. They hadn't planned on taking a formal honeymoon, but Jen being ever the romantic felt they deserved one, even if it was only a few days. It would be something they could enjoy and look back on in later years.

* * *

And enjoy it they did, neither of them really wanting to go back home quite so soon when it had come to leave. But they did, and it was back home to what they were supposed to be doing instead of lounging at the resort, which was to finish packing up Ziva's apartment and moving the rest of her things officially into his home. Their home. Gibbs had originally requested that his team not be on duty that Saturday so they could recruit Tony and McGee's strong backs to help with the furniture hauling.

They were at the apartment packing and waiting for Tony and McGee when the call came in, Paula's team was dead. And he was deadly quiet as they practically flew to the scene. The thought that it was supposed to have been their weekend on the hotline was screaming in his head, and he struggled to put the thought that it could have been Ziva and the baby killed in a tightly locked box, and keeping those emotions in check. He didn't realize that he was gripping the steering wheel so tightly until he felt Ziva's hand on his, prying it open to entwine her fingers with his. He glanced over and saw the same emotions he was feeling written on her face, except for her, she was thinking that he could have been the one killed.

They managed to get through the case, but lost Paula.

* * *

It had been a rough two weeks since then, and the meeting with her father not going well was more stress that Ziva really didn't need. And as Gibbs held her tightly in the middle of the front walk he wanted to kick himself for not going with her. He hoped that her father was at least happy about the baby, but she hadn't mentioned it so he prodded, "What did he say about the baby?'

Ziva stepped back and scrubbed her face with her hands, "I didn't tell him."

The smallest snort of laughter escaped him, "Wasn't the whole point of going?"

She scrunched up her face and gestured wildly with her hands, and she vented in frustration, "I could not even get that far before he was telling me that I was going back to Israel and that he would find me a _proper_ husband." She said the last in an irritated imitation of her father and it unfortunately made him chuckle again.

She leveled a look at him that threatened bodily harm and he said a bit more seriously knowing she was seriously worried about her father and what he might try to do, "We, meaning me and you, are going to have to tell him about the baby sometime. And in the mean time I don't want you worrying about things, okay? Our wedding ceremony was performed by federal judge who signed, sealed and delivered the marriage license to the courthouse himself. We've got your citizenship application in the works and and all the rest of our legal ducks are in a row. The worst he can do is try and pull you out of NCIS and reassign you somewhere else, and we talked about that and what you'd do..."

Ziva finished for him with a sigh, "I know. I will resign and stay here obviously, but you don't just quit Mossad."

"Ziva, this will work itself out. Just give it a little time." He reached over and cupped her cheek.

She smiled tightly and nodded.

Deciding they needed to do something to take her mind off of everything, he asked, "How's about I grab my wallet and you let your improper husband buy you an ice cream?"

"Hmmm, only if I can get hot fudge _and_ caramel."

"Deal." He paused a moment then added as he tugged on his earlobe, "And I was thinking we could maybe stop at the home improvement store and get some paint samples for the nursery if you want."

She took in his demeanor and realized that although he said it casually that this was something important to him. She was the resident expert in translating Gibbs' body language and she would be willing to bet that he had thinking about turning the guest room in a nursery since she first told him she was pregnant. She shook her head and smirked, "On one condition. No pink."

They were both too busy laughing and teasing each other back and forth as they got in the car that neither of them noticed the person in the parked car down the block that was busy snapping their picture with a telephoto lens.

* * *

tbc...

_A/N: 6/20/08- With this update I officially changed the rating to FR13 - after 17,000 words the story just isn't heading into higher rating territory. CJ_

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End file.
